


Then There Were Eleven

by kaitertot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Also; they're trolls? What's a gender., F/M, Gen, Other, There may be more characters and pairings to this later that I just haven't quite put together yet.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitertot/pseuds/kaitertot
Summary: Aradia Megido's death left a hole in everyone's lives that only some of them expected. A multi-chapter fic concerning the events in the half-sweep after Aradia's death that led up to SGRUB.





	1. Chapter 1

**> In the semi-distant past…**

Your name is Aradia Megido, and up until recently, you have been the guiding member and unofficial leader of Team Charge, a ram-, bull-, or other similarly obstinate beast-headed duo of FLARP junior chump masters. It was a role you greatly enjoyed, flanking the highly coveted JONESING MAID rung as you helped your woe-begotten but highly spirited partner climb his own ladder. FLARP is not a game to be taken lightly, and to be fair, Tavros had been warned against playing games for girls, but you had almost always been around to bail him out if he needed.

Unfortunately, almost wasn’t good enough.

Trolls aren’t known for their deep, lasting bonds of friendship, but you think that this is because the reputation that precedes you is highly tainted by the backstabbing nature of the colder hues. Warmbloods, in your experience, tend to be extremely cooperative with one another and to form lifelong bonds, probably in part because their lifespans are not very long to begin with.

You have just spoken with GC, otherwise known to you and yours as Terezi, regarding what you might do about AG, otherwise known to you and et. all as Vriska. It’s a [conversation](https://www.homestuck.com/story/2238) we’re all well and familiar with, one that begins with

GC: HOW 1S H3

AA: 0k

and ends with

GC: Y3P

GC: 1M PR3TTY MUCH DONE W1TH H3R

which was always a very kindly gesture of Terezi considering her lukewarm colder status, if such a thing exists, but now you don’t think much on it. You don’t think much on anything these days, actually, if we’re being really candid about it all. If we’re being so candid as to jump forward a little bit in time, to where you don’t think or care much on anything.

But you used to be less sure of yourself.

**> AA: Troll TA**

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AA: there is definitely s0mething t0 be said f0r the mysteri0us ways in which the spirits w0rk  


AA: f0r instance, the spirits are telling me t0 change my mind ab0ut m0st everything i have just decided 0n  


TA: no 2hiit the 2piiriit2 are telling you two change your mind, the 2piiriit2 alway2 have bad idea2 and bad thiing2 two 2ay and bad everything.  


TA: what would ever conviince you otherwii2e?  


AA: n0thing y0u say is g0ing t0 change my mind ab0ut changing my mind s0llux  


AA: i just wanted t0 let y0u kn0w what was g0ing 0n  


TA: oh 2ure, becau2e a bunch of lonely dead guy2 who probably want you dead two ju2t two keep theiir collectiively dead lonely a22e2 company know what2 be2t for you in2tead of oh ii dont know maybe your FUCKIING BOYFRIIEND.  


AA: aw cute  


TA: what.  


AA: y0u think id be g00d c0mpany f0r the dead  


TA: AA ii have a bad feeling about thii2.  


AA: and i have a bad feeling ab0ut letting vriska get away with paralyzing tavr0s  


AA: by which i mean it just is bad  


AA: its a bad feeling s0llux  


TA: look iim not goiing two cram your beta port with a 2hiit ton of mu2hy garbage about how ii would do the 2ame iif iit were you becau2e a2 we all know iim a grubby piile of 2hiit but at lea2t ii can 2ay ii 2tiick my neck out for nobody.  


TA: 2o iif you were lookiing for empathy iit miight be tiime two grab ontwo your handlebar2 becau2e thii2 realiity check ii2 goiing two be one bumpy riide.  


TA: WERE TROLL2, AA.  


AA: 0h d0 c0ntinue 0n, y0ure s00000 charming when y0u get like this  


TA: ii diidnt 2eque2ter my2elf in the unfortunate 2wiill of a datiing experiience that come2 wiith haviing me in your dubiiou2ly red 2la2h pale quadrant, that wa2 all on you.  


TA: 2peakiing of whiich. are you ever goiing two make up your miind becau2e vaciilatiion is cool and all but iit2 not my brand of biifurcated tea.  


AA: sure s0llux i will make up my mind as s00n as maybe vriska feels just a little bit 0f rem0rse f0r paralyzing my flarp partner  


TA: 2o never, got iit.  


AA: c0me 0n she has t0 have s0me manner 0f circulat0ry hem0gl0bin pump in there s0mewhere  


TA: 2he doe2nt, iim telliing you. and youll get the 2hiit end of iit, you watch.  


AA: i w0uldnt risk my life c0nfr0nting her if i didnt think i c0uld handle it  


TA: dont make me beg. iit2 unbecomiing.  


AA: l00k i am just g0ing t0 tr0ll and b0ther her a little bit and then she will feel bad and byg0nes will be byg0nes  


AA: ish  


TA: yeah well leave me out of iit. and dont 2ay ii diidnt warn you.  


AA: fine  


TA: fiine.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

**> Be Sollux Captor**

Okay, you guess.

You’ll admit you aren’t the easiest to deal with, what with your mood swings and tendency to take personal insult to most anything that even slightly inconveniences you. But you’ve built up a great façade of seeming like a dispassionate, annoyed shithead at all times of the night, so it’s fine. Most people can’t even tell the difference.

Except for her.

You’re kind of mad that she couldn’t see through your bullshit this time, honestly, or maybe even the worse alternative: that she just doesn’t care. She can get awfully bull-headed about things when she wants to. Ram-headed? Whatever.

Truth be told, you’ve never liked Vriska, and you never understood why Aradia or Terezi or, hell, even pushover extraordinaire Tavros put up with her. She was unspeakably, ingratiatingly annoying at best and downright murderous at worst, and you see no reason why she wouldn’t feed any of them to her lusus should the fancy strike her.

At least yours is only stupid.

You tap your fingers at your keyboard anxiously, waiting for Aradia to get back to you, knowing all the while that sending ghosts to torment a would-be friend-killer takes longer than a sparse few minutes. This gives you plenty of time to ponder the newest voice in your head (that was sarcasm, could you tell?).

It’s soft, hard to discern beneath the low cacophony of screams that assaults your consciousness on a daily basis, and you suspect it’s been there for quite a while before you became able to pick it out even a smidge.

As it is, you can hardly hear it, and as it is, you’ve a migraine already, so you don’t bother with it.

Instead, you pull up the Mobius Double Reacharound Virus that you sent to Karkat, your other best friend that you aren’t dating (although your on-again off-again awkward accidentally pitch-flirtatious encounters would suggest you tend to have a habit of courting your best friends). You and dear, old, stubborn AA spent a while working on this virus together, whiling away nights at her hive or yours, combining her weird, spooky inclinations for the morbidly, fascinatingly occult and your programming expertise to create the virus that shouldn’t exist.

In a fit of wanting to seem better than him at every possible opportunity, you sent it to Karkat, which was really just the absolutely most stupid thing you could do. You’ve never executed an ~ATH virus before, and you don’t want to find out what happens when you do.

Still, your sticky keys get the better of you, and you spend the better part of an hour or more on the accursed (ha) virus.

**> Be Vriska**

All right, sure.

The ghosts really freak you out, blah blah blah, there isn’t much to say here that hasn’t already been said. You have a [conversation](https://www.homestuck.com/story/2244) with an obnoxiously smug guy with bad stylistic choices that starts with

Well?

and ends with

Enjoy your haunting.

which infuriates you to no end. And there’s no way you’re gonna sit here and take this cheap shot from some lowlife nobody who hangs around with pupa-brained wannabees just to spite another lowlife nobody who embodies the freshest incarnation of the “graphic design is my passion” meme and take the high road.

You’ve never taken the high road.

**> Be Sollux again**

Uh. Okay?

**> Sollux: Get trolled by arachidsGrip [AG]**

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AG: Hey 8uuuuuuuuddy.  


TA: go away.  


AG: Wow, so gentlemanly and welcoming! You really threw me for a loop there on that one, pal, like for really reals.  


AG: I’ll 8et you say that to aaaaaaaall the girls.  


AG: Is that how you roped in Megido? Huh?  


AG: Can’t really imagine a fire8rand like her going for a zit on the greasy face of some wanna8e hacker extraordinaire like you without some really KILLER pickup lines, you know?  


AG: Get it? You’re the wanna8e of the wanna8es!  


AG: Do you get my joke? It’s funny.  


AG: Here, type “ha”.  


TA: ha.  


AG: Now type it again.  


TA: ha.  


AG: ::::)  


AG: Anyway, speaking of your cute little giiiiiiiirlfriend, you should pay her a visit! Real romantic, you know, just show up out of nowhere. Ka8oom!  


AG: I mean, ta-da!  


TA: no thank2.  


AG: Aw, why not? Here I am trying to help you two get closer and more snuggly and all that ilk and you re8uke me!  


TA: not that iit2 any of your bu2iine22, but were kind of not talking riight now, so buzz off.  


AG: Aw, that’s a shame. Hey, I know! You should teach her a lesson. Show her what it’s like to mess with the Captor-Master.  


TA: god, do you ever 2hut up?  


AG: All right, all right, I admit it. I have an ulterior motive. 8ut who wouldn’t? Megido’s got all these crazy ghosts after me! I can’t talk her down from it and to tell you the truth it can drive a girl a little 8onkers, if you know what I mean.  


AG: So I need someone with a more, uh  


AG: What is it you two are. Red? Pale? Ashen may8e? Give her a friendly romantic nudge for me, will ya?  


AG: For your old pal Vris.  


TA: not iintere2ted, and al2o, we’re not pal2. ii diidn’t think ii needed two 2tate that for the record but iill get GC on the liine pronto, iim 2ure 2he ha2 a courtroom tran2criiber on hand.  


AG: God, this is getting so 8ooooooooring. The most you’ve said all conversation and it’s just whiny 8lah a8out how you don’t want to talk to me!  


AG: And Terezi, who also won’t talk to me!  


AG: I’m trying to 8e helpful here.  


TA: yeah, well, you 2uck at iit.  


AG: Fine, fine. I can see where I’m not wanted. 8ut 8efore I go, I have one more suggestion you might want to take note of.  


TA: dear god, ii2 thii2 goiing two be more romantic adviice? ii thiink iid rather off my2elf iin the most grue2ome way iimagiinable. Here, give me a 2econd two thiink of how, exactly, 2o ii can paiint thii2 piicture iin techniicolor detaiil.  


AG: Oh, no need.  


AG: Just... take a nap instead! 

AG: ::::)

twinArmageddons [TA] has fallen asleep!

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
You wake up hours later miles across the landmass in the dead of the next night. The sun hasn’t risen for weeks—it’s a good thing, or you might be dead after all.

The grass beneath you is hard and brittle, and your palms are dry and cracked with something and your head is pounding and your mouth tastes sweet—

Your tongue stings. Your eyes burn.

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you are about to be one very unhappy camper.

You open your eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a great deal of being is done, and trollian logs abound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter notes at the beginning this time. Gif warning for the chapter image and a little bit of ableism from Karkat. That is all.

**> Be Sollux**

Your hands are caked in dirt and drying mud; you dig your fingers into the deep, rich earth of what was once one of Aradia’s many junior excavation holes over and over again, pulling out handful after handful of the stuff. You’re sobbing, you think. Aradia lays behind you, a gruesome sight; her body is charred and bloody and her skull has been crushed. You’ve seen dead trolls before. Aradia wasn’t supposed to be one of them. 

The dying embers clinging to the tarps of her once-beautiful hive were all that kept the prowlers away. Aradia’s lusus, who had nudged you kindly from behind on more than one occasion, lay crushed beneath the rubble of the destroyed dwelling. You feel a twinge of guilt beneath your sorrow. You keep digging. 

You can’t stop. It’s the only thing you can think to do. Your Trollian inbox is full to bursting but if you don’t hide her body before you leave… Trolls don’t typically bury their dead, and the murder of a rustblood is nothing to bother with. But you’ve run your fingers through those curls, caressed her cheek in the depths of a bone and blanket pile as soft and welcoming as it was uncomfortable and left bruises on your thighs and under your ribs. 

You’ve kissed those faded red lips — awkward, clumsy five-and-a-half sweep kisses that smudged her lipstick to reveal the perfect pitch underneath. 

You’re shaking, you’re numb; you haven’t totally processed that she’s dead, that you did it, but you’ll be damned if the local fauna take a bite out of any piece of her without having to dig for it, first. 

**> Some time in the past…**

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

CG: HEY, FUCKWIT EXTRAORDINAIRE HATCHED ALL THE WAY FROM BUMPKIN FUCKWIT EXTRAORDINAIRE TOWN. HITCH A RODEO TO THIS HAYWAGON, OR HOWEVER THE FUCK YOU PUT IT. WE’VE GOT GAMES TO PLAY. 

CG: HELLO?? 

CG: YOU’D BETTER NOT BE VIEWPORTING WITH YOUR WEIRD CREEPY GIRLFRIEND AND BLOWING ME OFF LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME. 

CG: YOU ARE SO PREDICTABLE. 

CG: “BLUH BLUH BLUH, I’M SOLLUX AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE, EXCEPT MAYBE AA WHEN I CAN GET MY GROSS DOUBLE BULGE IN A TWIST FOR SOME WEIRD CROSS QUADRANT HOT CAM MAKEOUTS.” 

CG: “AND ALSO KARKAT, BECAUSE HE IS SUPER COOL AND BETTER THAN ME IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY.” 

CG: ANYWAY, IF YOU DON’T GET BACK TO ME IN AN HOUR I’M HATCHING THIS GRUB WITHOUT YOU, DUDE. 

CG: PEACE. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

**> A little less time in the past, but not by much…**

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

CG: YOU PIECE OF SHIT, SOLLUX, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU FUCKING DITCHED ME AGAIN. CONSIDER OUR FRIENDSHIP OVER, FOR THE QUADRISIX BILLIONTH FUCKALL TIME. 

CG: MAKING ME RESORT TO GC. 

CG: RIDICULOUS. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

**> Be Karkat**

That’s fine. This bifurcated fuck over here was starting to get a little depressing, anyway. 

After spitting hot rage and fire, which is really quite cool by your standards, at the keyboard and at Sollux’s trollhandle for a bit, you click on over to your backup best friend, gallowsCalibrator’s handle for some quality game time. You deserve it after a hard day of doing nothing and also feeding your lusus, damn it, and you’re going to get it. 

**> Karkat: Troll Terezi**

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] 

CG: HEY, YOUR IMPECCABLE LOUSINESS, SHE-BEHEMOTH HORROR OF THE COURTS AND UNPLEASANT ODOR TO ALL WHO DARE TO SNIFF THE AIRS OF JUSTICE. 

CG: PLAY A GAME WITH ME. 

GC: >:? 

GC: W3R3NT YOU GO1NG TO PL4Y W1TH SOLLUX TON1GHT 

GC: 1 S33M TO R3C4LL TH1S N1GHT SP3C1F1C4LLY R3S3RVED FOR YOUR GI4NT N3RD B4BY G4M3S TH4T 4R3 FOR WRIGGL3RS WHO POOP 1N TH31R CLOTH POOP R3C3PT1CL3S 

CG: YEAH, BUT HE BAILED ON ME. PROBABLY TO DO A WEIRD MOBIUS DOUBLE QUADRANT REACHAROUND WITH HIS MYSTERY GIRLFRIEND, WHO IS NOT ACTUALLY A MYSTERY BUT I’VE ALREADY EXPRESSED MY HEINOUS AGITATION THAT THEY CAN’T PICK A FUCKING QUADRANT SO HERE WE ARE. 

CG: PLAY A GAME WITH ME. 

GC: TH4TS W31RD. L4ST 1 T4LKED TO 44 SH3 D1DNT S33M V3RY 3NTHUS14ST1C 4BOUT D1STR4CT1ONS OF THE NON V3NG34NC3 V4R13TY 

GC: 1N F4CT 1T W4S K1ND OF 4 H4SSL3 TO CONV1NCE H3R TO ST4ND DOWN! 

GC: >:O 

CG: IS THIS ABOUT THAT FUCKHEAD TAVROS AND HIS NOT WORKING SPINE. 

CG: LEGS? 

CG: BOTH, REALLY. 

GC: YOU COULD B3 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 CONS1D3R4T3 FOR TH3 F4CT TH4T H3 1S NOW PR1M3 CULL1NG M4T3R14L!! >XO 

CG: YEAH, YEAH. HE’LL GET OVER IT. AREN’T WE ALL RIPE FOR THE CULLING IN OUR OWN SPECIAL WAYS? 

CG: LOOK, WHAT SPOOKY GIRL DOES WITH HER FREE TIME, WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT INCLUDE PLAYING WITH COBALT FIRE, IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. 

CG: I JUST WANT TO GET THE JUMP ON SOLLUX FOR DITCHING ME. 

CG: YOU IN OR NOT? 

GC: 1 GU3SS 

GC: JUST G1V3 M3 4 S3COND 

GC: 1 H4V3 TO CH3CK ON SOM3TH1NG 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

**> Be Terezi**

You are now Terezi, you guess. Isn’t all of this troll-hopping giving you a headache? Of the psychic variety, perhaps? No? Well, you guess that’s fine. You guess that makes sense. 

It’s not that you mind playing games with Karkat, really. Underneath his extremely ornery exterior he can even be a little charming at times! And you love to get his Billy, really. By Billy you mean Gruff. By Gruff you mean goat. It’s all very clever and convoluted and you know exactly where you are going with this metaphor. 

You’ve been using your spare time to hatch a plan for dealing with Vriska on terms that won’t get any of you killed, which you think is a brilliant thing to do, and is just, like, the best and nicest of you. But with Sollux MIA and Aradia having been so dead-set on vengeance in the first place, you can’t shake the feeling that something is off. 

You have some messages to send. 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] 

GC: 44 

GC: 4R3 YOU TH3R3 

GC: 1T 1S K1ND OF URG3NT 4ND 1MP3R4T1VE TH4T YOU R3SPOND TO TH1S M3SS4G3 4S SOON 4S POSS1BL3 

GC: SO TH4T 1 C4N STOP W1TH 4LL TH1S WORRY1NG NONS3NS3 4ND PL4Y 4 STUP1D GRUB G4M3 W1TH K4RK4T L1K3 N4TUR3 1NT3ND3D 

GC: M3SS4G3 M3 B4CK YOU 4BSOLUT3 CR33PY GHOST F4N4T1C B3FOR3 YOU B3COM3 ON3 OK4Y? 

GC: OK4Y??? 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

GC: H3Y 

GC: SO K4RK4T TOLD M3 YOUR3 NOT R3SPOND1NG 

GC: WH1CH WOULD NORM4LLY B3 4 NON 1SSU3 

GC: BUT S331NG 4S YOUR G1RLFR13ND 1S H3LL B3NT ON M4K1NG VR1SK4 P4Y FOR WH4T SH3 D1D TO T4VROS 

GC: WH1CH 1M NOT S4Y1NG 1S 4 B4D TH1NG SO MUCH 4S 4 STUP1D TH1NG 

GC: 1 4M 4DM1TT3DLY 4 L1TTL3 B1T WORR13D 

GC: VR1SK4 1S NOT 4BOVE US1NG 4NYON3 TO G3T WH4T SH3 W4NTS 4ND 1 KNOW H3R L1K3 TH3 B4CK OF MY H4ND SO 

GC: 1 GU3SS WH4T 1 4M S4Y1NG 1S 

GC: YOU COULD B3 1N D4NG3R 

GC: SH3 COULD B3 1N D4NG3R 

GC: PL34S3 R3SPOND 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

All right. Relax, Terezi. This could all be a simple misunderstanding. Aradia and Sollux could be weird multi-quadrant viewporting right now and it really wouldn’t be any of your business what sort of romantic shenanigans they were up to, like talking about what they’d build their next pile out of, or whispering sweet nothings of general emotional support, or— 

Or whatever it was that bullshit redrom slash conciliatory-enthroed adolescents got up to in their spare time, you guess. 

Let’s try Tavros. 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] 

GC: H3Y 

AT: oH, hEY, 

AT: dON'T TELL ME, tHAT AG HAS MANAGED TO GET THE DROP ON YOU YET AGAIN, 

AT: oR ON ME, fOR THAT MATTER, 

AT: iS THIS WHY YOU ARE TROLLING ME, 

GC: NO, DUMMY!!! >XO 

GC: 1 N33D TO KNOW 1F YOUVE H34RD FROM 44 

GC: 1T 1S 4N URG3NT M4TT3R OF TH3 UTMOST 1MPORT4NCE 

GC: SORT OF H4V1NG TO DO W1TH AG BUT 4LSO NOT R34LLY 4CTU4LLY 

GC: FORG3T 1 S4ID TH4T 

AT: HM, 

AT: i WONDER IF, aRADIA HAS CONCOCTED HER OWN REVENGE SCHEME, oUTSIDE OF THE ONE THAT MAYBE YOU TWO WERE DISCUSSING, wITHOUT INPUT FROM ME, wHICH IS KIND OF RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE IF YOU ASK ME, bUT WHATEVER, 

AT: tHE POINT IS, tHAT THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING SHE WOULD DO, 

AT: aND NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, i AM ALSO, kIND OF WORRIED, }:( 

GC: NO GOD D4MN 1T 

GC: LOOK 

GC: 1 W1LL H4NDL3 TH1S 

GC: JUST ST4Y PUT OK4Y? 

AT: aLL RIGHT, i WILL TRY, nOT TO GO ANYWHERE VERY FAST, oR AT ALL, 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT] 

Now, if Aradia and Sollux hadn’t been dubiously quadranted in the first place you would have suspected that Aradia was very, very pale with Tavros. That girl has so many irons in the relationship fire, honestly. It’s unbelievable. Bee-lievable? Whatever. 

The point is, Aradia’s been hauling Tavros’s sorry ass through FLARP missions for as long as you can remember, telling anyone who would listen that he had so much potential it was obscene, honestly. He just needed to be encouraged. Just a push, really, up the rungs. 

Or off a cliff. 

You’ve never been close to Tavros, but you still respect him as a friend and fellow FLARPer. Or, once-fellow FLARPer, you guess. More importantly, he’s Aradia’s friend. And Aradia is your friend. 

You really don’t want to have to message Vriska. 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] 

GC: H3LLO 3R1D4N, YOUR N4M3 1S 4S BORD3RL1N3 PL34S1NG TO TYPE 4S 3V3R 4ND YOUR V1OL3T T3XT 1S 4N 3XC3PT1ON4LLY LOV3LY SH4D3 OF UNSP3C3F1C B3RRY M1X TOD4Y 

GC: NOW TH4T 1V3 SUFF1C13NTLY PL4C4T3D YOUR 3GO, PL34S3 DON’T GO ON YOUR USU4L CR4NKY “1 H4T3 L4NDDW3LL3RS WHY 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO M3 3V3N” SPR33 B3C4US3 1TS R34LLY DUMB 

CA: wwell i gotta admit i wwas thinkin on it but noww that youvve said that i cant so first of all fuck you 

CA: secondly are you done yet 

CG: Y34H, PR3TTY MUCH 

CA: great 

CA: wwhat do you wwant your gratuitiously ovverbearin fakey fake compliments are especially grandiose today and i dont like it 

GC: 1 N33D YOUR H3LP 

GC: 4S MUCH 4S 1T P41NS M3 TO S4Y 1T 

GC: 4ND 4LSO 4S MUCH 4S 1 KNOW YOU WONT C4RE 

GC: BUT 1 DO 

GC: SO 1 4M W1LL1NG TO P4RT4K3 1N YOUR P4RL3Y 3SQU3 B4CK 4ND FORTH FOR 4 WH1L3 1N ORD3R TO G3T WH4T 1 N33D 

CA: and wwhat makes you think i evven wwanna help you 

GC: B3C4US3 1 4M WONDERFUL 4ND CH4RM1NG 4ND P41D YOU S3V3R4L COMPL1M3NTS 

GC: 4ND 4LSO B3C4US3 1T 1NVOLV3S YOUR SH1TTY K1SM3S1S 

CA: wwhoa wwait hold on a second 

CA: not that i mind shootin the shit about her really but wwerent you twwo best friends or somethin last i checked 

CA: or is this campaign a one upsmanship finally gettin out of hand 

CA: should i be wworried youre encroachin on my pitch territory pyrope 

CA: because i am not about to start a fight ovver her dumb melodramatic ass you can havve her 

GC: W1LL YOU SHUT UP FOR JUST H4LF 4 S3COND 

CA: ya knoww tellin me to shut up is not really conducivve to gettin me to help you 

CA: wwhatevver it is you wwant 

GC: SORRY 

GC: 1TS JUST TH4T R3C3NTLY VRISKA W3NT 4 L1TTL3 B4TSH1T 1NS4NE 

GC: MOR3SO TH4N USU4L 1 M34N 

GC: SH3 P4R4LYZ3D T4VROS!! 

CA: good for him 

GC: NO!!!!! 1TS B4D 

GC: MOR3 1MPORT4NTLY TH4N TH4T 1S SH3 P1SS3D OFF 4R4D14 4ND YOU KNOW HOW 44 G3TS WH3N SH3 1S P1SS3D 

GC: OR M4YB3 YOU DON’T 

GC: BUT TH3 PO1NT 1S TH4T SH3 C4N B3 PR3TTY T3RR1FY1NG 1N H3R OWN R1GHT 

CA: so wwhats the problem 

CA: lowwblood landdwweller can handle herself, teaches uppity snobby spiderbitch a thing or twwo 

CA: evveryone goes home happy 

GC: NO S33 TH4T 1S TH3 TH1NG 

GC: SH3 1S SO T3RR1FY1NG TH4T 1F SH3 D3C1D3S TO T34CH VR1SK4 4 L3SSON VR1SK4 WOULD G3T TH3 BRUNT OF THE TORTUR3 W1THOUT 4NY OF TH3 L3SSON 

GC: 4ND 3V3N THOUGH 4R4D14 CANT B3 CONTROLL3D BY H3R 1 WOULDN’T PUT 1T P4ST VR1SK4 TO F1ND 4 W4Y 

CA: i repeat 

CA: wwhats the problem 

GC: 4R4D14 COULD B3 1N D4NG3R!! 

GC: BUT 1 DON’T W4NT TO T4LK TO H3R 

GC: 4G 1 M34N 

CA: and wwhy should i care 

CA: i hate lowwbloods remember 

CA: in so many wwords because im quickly gettin bored a this 

GC: 1 DONT KNOW!! 

GC: JUST DO M3 TH1S ON3 SOL1D, WOULD YOU 

GC: YOU C4N BOTH3R VR1SK4 4BOUT 1T 4ND ST1R TH3 P1TCH SH1T T1LL TH3 MUSCL3B34STS COM3 HOM3 

GC: JUST G3T B4CK TO M3 4BOUT 1T, OK4Y? 

CA: fine 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] 

**> Be Eridan**

You are quite possibly the most genuinely ornery motherfucker on the face of Alternia, at least to the extent that we care about. You’re so ornery, in fact, that you don’t even bother with Terezi’s magnanimously convoluted antics. 

Not exactly. 

You do, however, like the idea of getting all up in Vriska’s figurative grill with the mad facts you’re about to drop and this isn’t the right typing style so you stop that immediately. 

**> Eridan: Troll Vriska**

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] 

CA: hey vvris 

AG: What do you want. 

CA: wwhat the fuck 

CA: your kismesis comes into your inbox wwith gracious abandon and all you havve to say for yourself and also for me wwho is far more important mind is “wwhat do you wwant” 

CA: i deservve better than this apathetic hogwwash 

AG: I’m not really in the mood for your pedantic 8ullshit Ampora. 

CA: ooooh, someones fuckin TENDER 

CA: wwhat could it be thats 8otherin you so much huh 

AG: Don’t use my quirk. 

CA: could you havve perhaps committed some atrocious act of double crossin or another kind a treachery hitherto undiscussed betwween us 

CA: wwhich wwould be really inconsiderate a you i just gotta say vvris 

CA: you wwould think you could a confided in your pitchmate at least 

AG: Shut up!!!!!!!! Shut up shut up shut up how did you find out. 

CA: oh shit 

CA: so you did do somethin 

CA: wwhat is it vvris spill 

AG: Wait. 

AG: You don’t know? 

CA: a course i dont fuckin know you think pyrope had any clue wwhat wwas goin on wwhen she messaged me 

AG: She messaged YOU???? 

AG: 8ut not ME? 

CA: wwell this wwasnt wwhat i wwas plannin on gettin your horned garbage beast wwith but it still wworks i guess 

CA: look i dont care howw many irons you got in the fire but i do expect to be briefed on all a them because wwhat the fuck else are cahoots for 

CA: noww dish 

AG: 8uzz off Eridan, I’m not in the mood! I’m pissed. And not the fun kind of pissed so you should stop 8othering me 8efore I drop a doomsday device in your corner of the ocean. 

CA: is that wwhat you did 

CA: man i cant believve your shitty doomsday devvices actually wwork 

AG: My doomsday devices always work 8ut that is entirely 8eside the point 8ecause I didn’t drop any of them anywhere near Megido’s hive! 

AG: Why would I waste a doomsday device on her. 

CA: you keep dancin around this issue of megido wwithout tellin me wwhat you did and its pissin me off but admittedly in the fun way 

AG: Gross. You’re gross. 

CA: i knoww you vvris as much as you like to think i dont and i also knoww howw to get your goat wwithout gettin myself killed 

CA: wwhich is not a skill most people possess and wwhich is wwhy im your fuckin kismesis 

CA: so if you did somethin to megido im sure she deserved it 

CA: wwhat im really curious about is wwhy it seems to be fuckin you up so bad 

AG: N8ne of your 8usiness!!!! 

AG: I’m not upset and I don’t even know why you would insinu8 that I am when I am perfectly capa8le of killing uppity rusties who step out of l8ne and cause me trou8le!!!!!!!! 

CA: oh shit shes dead? 

AG: AAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!! 

arachnidsGrip [AG] has blocked caligulasAquarium [CA] 

Well. 

That wasn’t what you were expecting to get out of this exchange. 

It’s not the first time that Vriska has blocked you; you’re very good at trolling her, and she can’t kill you (and also doesn’t really want to), so oftentimes she resorts to the block function when she has had enough — which is often, as you are an excellent kismesis and you know how to get your hands on your partner’s barnbeast. 

Goat. You mean goat. 

You guess you have a consolation prize until she gets off her raving high hoofbeast and unblocks you. 

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

CA: HA 

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] 

**> Be Sollux again, several hours into the present**

You shovel the last handful of dirt over Aradia’s body, having long-since covered her face – you couldn’t stand to look at it, bloodied and destroyed. You’ll spare our readers the especially gruesome details. You don’t want to think about them. 

Then you sit there, alone, five-and-a-half sweeps on your knees at the makeshift grave of your dead girlfriend. 

Whom you killed. With your own hands. 

Your fingers are stained mind-honey yellow and your tongue continues to sting; your cheeks are smudged red from where you’d reached up to smear tears from your cheeks and blurred vision. You haven’t stopped shaking until now. 

**> Sollux: Fly home**

**Author's Note:**

> This is only slightly canon-divergent. I'm rereading Homestuck as I write this, so it should be pretty accurate.
> 
> Also, I'm Arasol garbage. Nothing has changed.


End file.
